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Relationship Guide
Don't Let The Details Diminish Your Day

by Amy Honigman, Ph.D.

For many brides and grooms their wedding is the culmination of months of planning, decision-making and stress. But in time all of the details come together. The dress is ready (almost), the ceremonial disputes resolved, the guest list finalized, and the flowers scrutinized. Hopefully, you have made your plans well and all of the complicated, and therefore stressful, decisions are behind you.

There is, however, one more stressful aspect of planning your wedding that definitely should not be overlooked! And that is: How are you going to take good care of yourself in the days and hours before the wedding? After all, you do want to enjoy this terrific event in which you have invested so much time and energy. No matter when your wedding, your plans should take into account how to be relaxed enough to enjoy your wedding. It takes time to think through what is needed for the bride and groom to feel they can let go and simply enjoy the event.

It is helpful in the weeks before the wedding to clarify once again: What does this significant event mean to your fiancĂ©e and you, and are you adhering to your values? Ask yourself "Is it the most important thing to make every detail perfect at the expense of enjoying myself?" Isn't that what you hired others to do? Do you want to make this a celebration or a performance? When things aren't going perfectly, what do you actually have control over  and how can you act on that? What is beyond your control? Have faith; these things usually work out. It is also important to remind yourself that you don't need to take care of each of these details yourself.  You need to delegate and ask for help from other people.

Here are several recommendations I make to brides and grooms to help them remember to take good care of themselves.

A week or so before the wedding, try to arrange for you and your fiancée to spend a few hours alone for a romantic time together (not to just talk about the wedding).

Try to have all of your tasks taken care of a couple of days before the wedding. Tell your seamstress you would like to make sure the dress is ready a few days before, or arrange to have someone in the bridal party pick it up the day before. Pack up all the things you need to get ready for the wedding at least a day or two before the wedding.

Get a massage, or least take some time just to yourself to relax, take stock, and let yourself get excited (not overburdened with details). Don't feel that you have to entertain everyone coming into town.

The night before the wedding, decide if you would like a friend to spend the evening with you or if you need some quiet time for yourself. Have someone drive you to the place where you are getting dressed for the wedding. Let people take care of you and remember it is your and your fiancée's special day. ENJOY IT!

Amy Honigman, Ph.D. is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY11755). She practices in Danville, California.

DISCLAIMER: The generalized information presented is not intended as advice regarding any specific person or problem. Individuals reading this column in need of specific advice should consult with a licensed mental health professional.


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